My Journey towards Freedom…
My name is Amanda, I am 34 years old and I have been struggling with my weight since I was 13. It’s not until recently that I learned the severity of my addiction to food. The realization was a real eye opener for me because I always thought of myself as someone who just really loves food. However over the years my love for food slowly became a need for food, then a must. I started to eat whenever I was happy, sad, angry, disappointed or whatever mood I was in. I became a “closet eater.” I mastered eating in secret and then coming home pretending that I was hungry so I could eat again. Food was my comfort and to be completely honest, sometimes it still is.
However, as the years went by, I wasn’t able to recognize myself. Who was the overweight woman that stared back at me in the mirror? It started to become extremely difficult to ignore what I had become, what I did to myself was unacceptable. I am a 34 year old pre-diabetic wife and mother of a one year old, my daughter is the main reason why made a decision to address my addiction; I want to set better example for her and be healthy.
In December of 2008, I sought the help of Immacula. She has been a blessing. She is so nurturing and supportive and extremely knowledgeable, she understands me because she has been in the places like me.
However, my journey has not been easy. It has been 6 years since I first made my decision to address my weight. I wish I can say that as soon as I made my decision, I lost an amazing amount of weight and now I’m free. But that wouldn’t be the truth. While I did lose weight, shortly after that I gained it back. The truth is I continue to struggle with my weight and as it stands I have not yet reached my goal. However, I can say that I am not the same woman who came to Immacula in 2008.
Today, I can say that I recognize the woman that stares back at me in the mirror. I can say that I understand my addiction to food, I accept the source and no longer make light of it.
I make my decisions on a day to day basis and even though, I am not where I want to be, I am not giving up!!! I am not interested in throwing the towel, I have a beautiful life ahead of me and I am looking forward to every moment of it.
I embrace my journey towards freedom and I believe one day I will be free. Free of the guilt and shame of being overweight, free of the need to have “just one bite”, free of the mental torment that accompanies my addiction.
When I look at myself the mirror I now see a woman who is on her way, a woman who is alert and aware and no longer clouded by depression. I now am a woman who has a new determination to live life with understanding and new tools to help propel me to FREEDOM from food addiction.